Hi my name is Al Covers, I’m one of the handicappers here, I’m the one that does the numbers and Gematria.

I was inspired by the San Angeles Chokers last night (even though they covered) and the Dallas Cowgirls in week 1.

I decided to share my funny NFL team names I have for each team. The Lambs grew up and won the Super Bowl so I will be calling them the Los Angeles Rams all year.

Every other team is getting it.

Ok, I didn’t put the worst of the worst on here but I put some borderline unaccapted ones. Maybe a couple completely unaccaptable ones. Let me know if i went too far on some and which ones.

Each team has a hated division rival, so find your division rivals new name.

You might see me use some of these names in some of my future articles, especielly the Cowgirls. I think it has a nice ring to it, and it fits.

It fits perfect if you think about it, the best thing about them the last 30 years has been the cheerleaders, so I think we should all call them the Cowgirls until they win one.

You in? Cowgirls?

Here’s each teams new name, and division name. Here we go, see if any Karens show up.

AFC Pests – They’re Good Pests Though

San Angeles Chokers– They were the Chokers in San Diego with a great qaurterback. Not much has changed in Los Angeles. They have what looks like a great one in Justin Herbert. Can he get the franchise’s first Super Bowl win. Watch out for a very hot start from the Bolts.

Las Vegas Traitors – Los Angeles, Oakland, Las Vegas. The traitors will be in Vegas for awhile but will they win in Vegas. Josh McDaniels will get them scoring points on the board in no time.

Kansas City Chumps- They were the champs a couple years ago, now they’re the Chumps again. One thing is for sure, they will be a contender as long as Mahomes and Reid are together.

Denver Donkeys-  Last time the Donkeys picked up a Super Bowl winning QB they won another one with Peyton Manning. This time they have Russel Wilson.

AFC Cheats – A Couple Scandals Here

New York Paper Airplanes– They havn’t been the Jets since Joe. They’ve been the Paper Airplanes for a long time now. They will be better this year and might suprise some people.

Barffalo Jills -They are favored to win the Super Bowl.  Let’s see if they can play like Bills instead of Jills, Josh Allen really looks like he can join Patrick Mahomes for the face of the NFL.

Miami Tuna – Tua will get one last chance to lead the Tuna. New weapons and new coach will try to take the Tuna to the next level.

New England PattyCakes- The Pattycakes lost the dynasty mojo. Bill Bilichick will still have them playing discipline so they won’t be a door mat so we’ll see if they can make some noise this year.

AFC Sexual Predators- A Few Predators

Pittsburgh Squealers – Well, this division saw one sexual predator leave when Big “Creep” Ben retired. Then gained another one on the Clowns when Mr. Massage came in with his $200 million+ contract.

Baltimore Crows- Why do Crows get a bad rap? Does anybody know? Baltimore will be Baltimore this year, good defense, well coached and they have Lamar Jackson. They’ll be in the mix at the end.

Cincinnati Bungholes- Beavis and Butthead!! No disrespect to the AFC champion Bungholes, they played great last year and have a young talented team. They’re still the Bungholes until they win it all!

Cleveland Clowns– Drama continues in Cleveland. The predator is suspended for 11 games and they will be led by glorified back up Jacoby Brissett.

AFC Not So Goods

Indianapolis Ponies – The ponies got rid of Carson and got a huge upgrade in Matt Ryan. Mr. Ryan has been playing behind a not so good O line for the past few years and not many options. Now he’s stepping into a very good line with a good running game, decent defense which will help. Watch out for 3rd year WR Michael Pittman this year.

Houston Tontos (Dummies in spanish) – The tontos are always doing dumb things. Especially the front office. We had a rated R one but saved it for when we’re feeling extra spicy.

Tennessee Titanic’s- Titanics because they are big and strong but they end up sinking.

Jacksonville Jagoffs – They have been the Jagoffs since Mark Brunell left. I know most people are saying “who?”.

NFC Sours

Tampon Bay Succaneers-  They will most likely be the Tampa Bay Buccanneers after this year. My pick to win it all this year. Lets go Tampon!

New Orleans Aints – They havn’t been the Saints since Drew Brees. Winston is in for a big year, let’s see if he can give New Orleans their S back.

Atlanta Buzzards- The bottom of the pecking order. The bottom of the league, not much hope for the Buzzards this year.

Carolina Kittens- This is the second one that had to be a back up. I’m sure you can guess what the first choice is besides Kittens.

NFC Least – The Least Favorite to Win

Dallas Cowgirls-  The Cowgirls have a team that can make some noise.

New York Ants- The Ants will be better than last year, how much better is the question.

Philadelphia Chickens- The Chickens might just win the division.

Washington Native Americans-  The Native Americans just sounds right. Am I wrong? Native Americans should be the worst in the NFC Least.

NFC Going No Wheres – One Step Forward Two Steps Back

Detroit Laydowns – Dan Campbell the coach has brought his intensity and they might not be the Laydowns much longer. Well one more year at least.

Chicago Cubbies- It feels weird calling them the Bears since they’ve been so bad lately. Chicago Cubs are already taken but this football team is not grown up yet. I have to call them the cute, little Cubbies..

Green Bay Slackers- They will be another team you can count on being in the mix at the end. Aaron Rodgers on offense and a very good defense. Watch Out!

Minnesota Vicks VapoRubs- Can we call this team a suprise team? I think so? New coach so we’ll see.

NFC Worst – Ok They’re Not the Worst

San Francisco 69ers- The 69ers might make some noise this year. Can Trey Lance do it? We’ll see. 

Arizona Canaries – Kyler Murray is going to get tested this year. He showed he has issues picking up the blitz at times and will truly get tested this year.

Los Angeles Rams- The Super Bowl Champs get to keep thier name. they earned it. They’ll be back to the Lambs in no time, we’re sure of it.

Seattle Wind Water Rats – The Wind Water Rats should be one of the worst teams in the division. They should be the worst of the worst in the NFC.

Help Me

Ok, I need to hear the best ones. Let me know which ones to replace and which ones to definetly keep. If you have any better ones lets hear it. Try to keep it in good vibes I know sometimes its tempting.

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2 thoughts on “Funny NFL Team Names”
  1. Thanks for your post. I love your sense of humor. I know nothing about sports, but I know a lot about humor. I love Chicago Cubbies. Too funny.  I think Green Bay Slackers takes the cake.  The Las Vagas Traitors is another funny one.  I wish I was a sports fan so that I could give you some help coming up with more names.  But I think you’re doing well all on your own coming up with these names.  Best of luck.

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